Teenage Dream my ass
by KinkyEyepatchShit
Summary: Kira does some soul searching wanderlusting. Katou has a much less boring ass idea.


Katou didn't have to use that fancy freaking Angel or Sulfur Stuffed Ass senses to know where he would find their old as balls sometimes-friend-but-usually-ass-kicker ally. To Katou, who wouldn't admit the stretch of loyalty imbedded down to his plant-ly being, Kira was like one of those old dogs that stayed transfixed to their owners side even when they had to go to the can. Not that he'd admit that too often, just once in a blue moon. [How many moons were even here in Hell? Perish the thought] And sure enough upon dragging himself past the hustle and bustle in the Evils base [didn't have to be the apocalypse to rob these fuckers of their style] and passing a doorway he had before chosen not to follow the rest of those wangstgoers through, he did a double take upon spotting a familiar long legged figure dressed in black, standing at attention like Old Yeller.

So it was only just the smartest idea in the goddamn world to saddle up to the raven haired teen [ he had that stupid look on his face, y'know the one, wangst and regret and longing boner deep, gray eyes gazing straight ahead but a million lightyears away], hands slung in his pockets, a slouch angled back the way it always is before he says something particularly stupid and pipe up, "Staring at her with your ice prick ain't gonna get the abominable sleeping beauty outta that ice, bro."  
Kira might have sighed, and if he were any kind of Believing motherfucker, might have even implored the Heavens above [ waaaay up there] for a reason why he was stuck with such idiots with huge mouths. But alas, that wasn't the case and what followed Katou's advice was merely a grunt and a bat of those long, dark lashes. Bastard didn't even grace him with a glance. Naturally that didn't sit too well with Katou the pseudo human mosquito, so he remained steadfast and stubborn.

Now this, _this_ bastard, this monumental case of destiny assstuffed masochist complex, even before aforementioned complex was revealed to Katou- he'd always been like that; be it during a party or a humble handjob or a good stash raid- Kira had a real [ADHD cunt] problem with focusing on what was right in front of him. For the life of him [har fucking har, get the snare drum] of him those gray peppers hardly ever gazed at _him_, always _always_ far off and longing and far too old for an eighteen year old dragging around a daddy complex. Thus out of the goodness of his heart Katou would make that bastard look at him, see him, _really_ see him, gaze unwavering. Katou rocked on his heels and opened his smirking mouth.

"I wonder how good cold storage angel pussy feels. We could have a go, you n' me. We'd always planned on doing more shit together."  
Quick as a flash stark white fingers procured a vice like grip imbedding into Katou's shoulder [already he could feel the distinct aching four perfect fingerprints blossoming into a bruise there] and with that grip his entire being was backpeddled, gray eyes burning into his.

"Katou-kun," Came the familiar rumble drenched in a menacing promise he hadn't heard in naught but subtle snatches before [to him Kira always did sound on the brink of a shitty sinus infection, sexy girl swoon inducing voice his ass]. "You're very noisy today. Finally reach puberty?"

Heart in his throat, brains in his dick, Katou had the gall to sneer up at his captor (?), gathering fistfuls of the others damndable half buttoned shirt, tugging them flush against each other, and retort accordingly. "Now why the fuck would I go and do a dumb think like that? I know how much you love little boys so I wouldn't wanna do jack dick to strain our friendship, _senpai_."  
Finally those eyes were on him, unable to look away, none of his escapism bullshit now, hombre. They burned that rapid, spreading burn as cold as the angel's ice prison. But Katou's penchant for deadly thrills managed to kick in in record time. [Reasons why he died at 17 #430473].

"Got a case of the child neglect blues? Pathetic," Kira replied, voice measured in monotone, nothing there within in aside from the fleeting snatches of irritation. Fleeting glimpses Katou would do his upmost to grab onto, no, shit, he needed more. "That's not what you're here for. What do you want?" He continued, brow arching ever so slightly in question. The question wasn't anything fruity like open ended for the beckoning for a life changing pep talk or even a hey, what can I do for you? Because Kira did that kind of shit his way on his own time- when he felt like it. And here in the endless time of hell? Even that was running shorter than his short and curlies.

His stomach lurched, skin hot with rage and the fact that the bastard's other hand was lightly grasping his hip, mixed feels never were promising to Katou's already foggy brain, too quick to catch up. "A cigarette," he found his voice after a fumbling moment. This asshole…Pissed him the fuck off right on schedule.

A single raven eyebrow rose, Kira's stupid face managing to remain in its (hardly) perfectly controlled mask. "You don't like my brand. Matter of fact you bitch about it every chance you get. What a change of heart, thanks plant steroids." Kira must have thought he was funny, a corner of his lips crinkled upwards. Humorless piece of shit never did learn the human emotion of corny as fuck.

Katou rolled his eyes and snorted. "I'm all out, funny how that happens when you have time to actually smoke unlike some people I know who're too busy with their dick waving contests. Gimmie a cig, asshole." Cue the curl of his own lips in a practiced snarl which, contrary to his belief, wasn't exactly scary. To emphasize the badassary he prodded the others' prominent man cleavage, fingertip pressing right below the notorious blood stain. "Outta the goodness of your heart."

That finger was quickly apprehended and squeezed painfully tight. "Too bad for you I don't have any goodness and the hearts a complicated thing, try again." Kira all by snapped, stance shifting ever so slightly, enough to alert Katou to his planned withdrawal; from Katou's warm body and the entire conversation.

Ooooh no he wasn't going to let that happen so easily, now. "I didn't ask for your wank, dickhead. Just gimmie a goddamn cig, you can feel sorry for yourself when you're dead like the rest of us," he bit out, teeth gnashing together. Christ, if he wanted a fucking game he would have gone to…to…well maybe the kid, she'd gotten fun to mess with. He expected a good ol' one-two, not this-

Whoops, spoke too soon. That iron-clad grip from before? Suddenly tightened in his hair, long, slender fingers gathering the silky strands and captured the rest at the base of his skull. Fucker pulled the rest at the base of his skull and fucking twisted to the point where his entire skull zinged with pain, neck tense and taunt to prevent further tenderheaded [don't start…] woes.

"Fucker," he hissed between sharp breaths, i-its not like he had a bit of a boner or anything! Damn if he didn't really goddamn revel in that feeling, [alive and _here_ and _this is real, finally_] from those browned roots to his veins to the tips of his toes, damn if Kira's face wasn't getting closer, damn if the bastard's eyes, those stony eyes blazed with something feral, something locked on to Katou.

"Did those plant steroids also help you grow some balls? Congratulations." It wasn't a congrats so much as a deep, damn near amused growl acknowledging the piss poor attempt.

Katou offered his dear ol buddy a leer, complete with hooded eyes as he craned his neck ever so slightly just to look into that big dumb face. "Why doncha suck em and see for yourself." Then, he lunged, closing the gap between them, mouth sealing over Kira's. Wasn't exactly a Casanova move by any means but at the moment, their mouths devouring one anothers, teeth and lips and tongues clashing in an ache neither were willing to give up on, there wasn't much to one up.

Somewhere between the blissful special attack move of Kira's knee rubbing fabulous friction against Katou's growing bulge, and all that tongue, their arms winding around their broad backs, fingers scrabbling for purchase, Katou's eyes happened to peel open and notice his face eating compadre's gaze had flickered almost anxiously up to Alexiel's never ending necrophilia lawsuit.

Katou, who arched his pelvis into that wonderfuckingful sensation, decided to bring his buddy back to planet earth. [Sorta, don't get technical on me, dammit] With a sharp inhale he bit down on the soft lip having a gay- er a good ol time molding itself over his top lip until the flesh gave way and yielded that salty, coppery blood. Kira actually yelped as they separated, those eyes still on Katou's lips, where they were connected by a slow trail of saliva.

Only when he demanded, eyebrows knit furiously and awww all puckered, if Katou thought that was fucking hilarious, only then did the blonde realize he had giggl- laughed heartily at the pain. Though his heart now in his dick and rushing adrenaline fueling his veins, Katou still somehow managed damage control. Goody. "Eyes on me, nutsauce. It's too late to go back on that threesome suggestion."

Kira in turn harrumphed with just a ghost of a [Not funny, no, stop] breath and wiped his mouth, smearing crimson across his chin as well as the back of his hand, and Katou actually gulped, not from fear as much as god damn even this fucker made that now rapidly healing faggy wound look damn good.  
"Oh Katou," the walking sword innuendo husked, though if it were anyone else the tone would be a very sing song affair, accompanied by lame suspenseful music and bouncing titties. But alas Katou was stuck with this piss poor excuse. "You're so funny when you're jealous. You know, I could kill you right now."

"You could also be sucking my cock right about now," Katou was quite impressed judging by the pitch of his drawl and hooded eyes. "Finish something for once." Not to mention pretty goddamn proud of the firmness in his voice, if it wasn't for the subtle tremor of his knees, anyway. He eyed Alexiel once more, a grin nearly splitting his lips. "I double dog dare you. Wanna see if she'll light up like a bad porno station, Setchan network a-ho?" Cue the wiggling eyebrows of truth, justice and the taunting way. "Or are you…" Tilting his head, it was just that easy to gaze into Kira's face, his balls juuust about done for. "Bawk bawk." He didn't even need to wave an elbow in the elusive mating call.

A weary sigh met the bait. "You know as well as I do that she isn't here anymore," Kira dodged effortlessly, eyes at half mast and the damn bedroom eyes only doubled by those long, pretty dark lashes the color of fresh ink. [No homo, even as Katou felt himself simper.] "But a show could be fun, just remember your lines this time." Without waiting for another bitchfest Kira, to Katou's complete and absolute surprise, sank gracefully to his knees, carefully conditioned locks hardly ruffled by the descent and Katou didn't exactly have more than a second to focus on that stupid girly hair before his fly reached nirvana and a hot, firm hand grasped his cock, freeing it from his confines. Fuucckk he was already hard just from that. Katou's bulging eyes were on the prize of Kira's eyes on his prize, taking in the way in which those deft fingers stroked him to full hardness, the way Kira's tongue flickered out and traced his own lips in anticipation, the way-

A thought struck the blonde, jolting him out of his own anticidicking: What if Kira was going to pull a total dick move instead of pulling his dick and hurt it or bite or or…punch?! Lull poor unsuspecting Katou-sama, hot and bothered into a false sense of security and chomp that sucker off and suck? Like a motherfucking lobster or something?!  
Thus, even as his fingers unconsciously threaded those velvety raven strands, the moment Kira began to descend his dick kicked in a defense mechanism of its own as it spurned by its master's delusions. An instinct wildlife immediately break out.  
Right within Kira's hot lit- well sorta gargarntuan truckasaurus freddy kougar long ass fingered hand- Katou's dick grew, blossoming a good five more inches.

The two teenagers remained in [barely] respectable, stunned silence until it was broken by Kira's bemused laughter. Katou reacted predictably like a yowling, feral, rabies infested cat.  
"Don't fucking laugh at me, analprose! These things happen! Sometimes in the heaaaaaaaat of the moment!" Cue furious arm waving.

Kira merely slid his fingers over Katou's cock, eliciting a groan and a bucking of his hips, placating? Maybe. A little. No. The old as balls…ballhead's chuckles never ceased, much to Katou's chagrin. "Of all the new things you picked up, this is what you waste it on? I could've warned you on the lost cause, man. Too bad. Plant steroids." Wist- DID THAT FUCKER JUST SIGH WISTFULLY? And just when Katou foolishly thought his humiliation quota for the night was finished and his face couldn't get any redder, Kira's brief cap on the snickers went to Hell as soon as he took another glance at the mortified, still somehow hard dick at his mercy.

"Fuck you, dickcheese! I should've waited till your pretty little mouth had my cock before I let loose- and fucking choked your dumb ass!"  
Kira's laughter rang straig- …noble and true, finishing up in a heated rumble. "Aww, you think I have a pretty mouth? That'll do, pig. That'll do."

No one could say Kira wasn't a little merciful. Sorta. Afterwards there was no stopping the squawking outrage turned strangled moan as Kira kept to his duty and engulfed Katou's poor neglected cock, finally allowing the blonde to lose himself in the wet, slick heat.  
Katou could only hum with contentment, rock into that smart ass mouth, fingers ensnaring that long, inky hair. "I'll put in a good word for you at the next coma boner voyeur meeting."


End file.
